Skip to main content

Why Compersion is Important to Me, and Should Be Equally Important to You.

#Poly #Polyamory #Compersion #Relationships
Compersion is, I believe, fundamental to true happiness in a relationship. It is finding joy in the simple fact that your romantic partner(s) has/have found joy in their lives - and the fact that it sometimes happens without you is not a barrier.

Gracie X speaks to Compersion in her article Why My Husband and I Sometimes Have Sex With Other People. ( http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-20649/why-my-husband-i-sometimes-have-sex-with-other-people.html)
"Compersion fascinates me because it sanctions the idea of our partner deriving pleasure in a context separate from us, and from another source. In this way, compersion is antithetical to how we view relationships and expect to operate in them. We are raised to believe that when we are one half of a couple, we should derive all our happiness and pleasure from that single partner and only experience it together with that partner."

Before we were in relationship with one another, we were individuals. Separate. Discrete (that's not a spelling error. I mean that we were distinctly separated entities. Not that we were on the DL. Go ahead, look it up. I'll wait. Found it? Good, moving on...).

I had rugby practice twice a week. He had rehearsals with his band. I had date nights with my best friends. He had the same. Now we still have those things, but we also have nights where it's just the two of us on the sofa watching Netflix. And nights where we are each alone in our own spaces. He has his house; I have my boat. Those things aren't going to change in the near term. Probably not in the long term, either. That doesn't mean that we don't have a stable, healthy, and communicative relationship.

I'd even argue that we have more of these things than most people who spend their relationships like some kind of conjoined couple. I am free to do the things I'm interested in, as is he. If the other isn't interested, we don't participate. No judgements, no drama. I don't resent him for dragging me to some event I have no interest in. I don't make him watch hockey or rugby or soccer. I have other friends for that, with whom I share those interests. We talk about it after. He gets a kick out of seeing how excited I get about it. He doesn't need to see the sport. In fact, it's nice being able to talk to him about things he wasn't there for - and listening to him do the same. It's refreshing; we aren't just dating, but we are also building a true friendship.

Gracie X sums it up pretty well. "Can you pursue compersion in a monogamous relationship? Yes. It's a quality that can help enliven any relationship. By giving it a go you could open your heart to many happy and interesting possibilities...

To me, compersion is a lifestyle; it’s a way to love and to be loved. I want my beloved, spouse, mate, partner (you choose the word) to care profoundly about what makes me thrive, as I care profoundly about his happiness."

Indeed. Compersion informs all of my relationships. I cannot possibly be everything to everyone; nor can I reasonably expect to be everything to just one other person. I find joy in the fact that my friends, lovers, and family members have other people to fill the roles I cannot. I also revel in the freedom that gives me to just be myself. Not because that is all I can do, but because all I do is enough.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Oprah Winfrey is not the Messiah you are looking for.

Oprah Winfrey is not our Messiah. She cannot solve the problems of America. No one is. No one person can. Nor should we want them to. Oprah doesn't have perfect judgement. Remember, she supported and promoted the likes of Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Jenny McCarthy, and other charlatans who prey upon/pander to the less well-educated members of our society. Not everyone who is good at what they do, and effective where they are, would translate to a good President. Oprah  would be much more effective doing what she does best - rallying public opinion to a cause and getting more people involved in the process. I love  Elizabeth Warren  - or rather, I love Senator  Elizabeth Warren . In the Senate. Stirring shit up, calling out bullshit, protecting and serving her constituency. I would hate to see her hands (and mouth) tied up in the Presidency, where she would have to walk both sides and make compromises to get actual work done. I love  Kshama Sawant . Having a Soc...

And the most reasonable voice in the Arab world is...

...Muammar Qaddafi? That's right, I said Muammar Qaddafi. This is his op-ed piece on NYTimes.com today. I couldn't believe it either. I started out with the idea that this would be another Times op-ed piece of vitriolic ranting, chock-full with anti-Israel bias. After all, this is the leader of a county that used to sponsor terrorism around the world and actually began his leadership career in Libya with the eliminaton of Israel as one of the pillars of his philosophy. Now it would seem, Qaddafi has become quite the moderate in his old age. Here is the text of his op-ed piece in full. Amazing... THE shocking level of the last wave of Israeli-Palestinian violence, which ended with this weekend’s cease-fire, reminds us why a final resolution to the so-called Middle East crisis is so important. It is vital not just to break this cycle of destruction and injustice, but also to deny the religious extremists in the region who feed on the conflict an excuse to advance their own ca...

How to Make Dandelion Wine - wikiHow

How to Make Dandelion Wine - wikiHow Interesting article. Totally random how I came across it - as most things in my life tend to be (did you catch the name of the blog?) and I've decided to do it. As my boyfriend says, the more random, the more unique, the more likely I am to do it. He's not entirely wrong in this guess-timate of my nature. Probably not wrong at all... ...so who's up for collecting dandelions with me?